Here’s what happened…

I must assume that everyone reading this tale has heard of my famous uncle, Sherlock Shipiloo. He came into this world as Herman, but ever since he became a world renowned detective, he has been know as Sherlock.

Uncle Sherlock got his first break, when as a little dick (slang for new detective), when he discovered the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa … .Not the Union boss Jimmy Hoffa, but the 3rd grader Jimmy Hoffa who ran away from his home in Sandusky Ohio. After that, my Uncle was on a roll.

Which now brings us to the main point of this story. Sherlock was contacted by the Kleenex people to do a little corporate espionage work. A new brand of tissue was rising through the ranks and stealing business from their top selling products.

A small startup called Puffs invented a tissue that not only was good for nose blowin’ but also left your nose and face pleasantly moist and fragrantly aromatic.

Those guys at Kleenex would do anything to get their hands on that secret scented formula that was eating away at their profits.

My uncle got word that the Puffs clan was meeting on a small ship by the bay to discuss the takeover of the Kleenex domain.

Sherlock was able to get to the docks early and stowaway on the vessel long before the assemblage arrived. Soon Sherlock heard the meeting begin. He slowly made his way to the foredeck. With cat-like stealthiness and balance he scaled the bow ladder and made his way aft. There, through the haze of cigar smoke he realized he had entered the rear door of the makeshift Puff’s boardroom…and there on a desk sat the Secret Plans … .Literally it said “Secret Plans” on an envelope. With jubilation my uncle grabbed the plans and absconded from the ship.

Knowing that fame and fortune were about to be his, he rushed directly over to the Kleenex Towers on 4th and Broadway to claim his just rewards.

Thinking back on the incident, Sherlock realized that he should have probably opened the envelope first but in his haste for valor, he let his ego get the best of him.

My Uncle actually did find secret plans , but in the dark smoky room, he was unable to see the first word on the top of the envelope. Uncle Sherlock, in his haste had stolen the Victoria Secret Plans for new lingerie designed specifically for the “Women of the Taliban” 2015 calendar…..which turned out to be the worst selling product on record for 2015.

Turns out my uncle got the whole thing wrong to begin with. The Puffs people were not meeting on a small ship by the Bay but rather a taking a small trip to Bombay…easy mistake.

Needless to say, this was the end of my uncle’s blossoming fame as a detective since he was now only referred to by his new nickname, No Ship Sherlock.


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