Here’s what happened…

Wyatt Avery Shipiloo was a notably dirty man. His wife knew it. His children knew it, and the whole town knew it.

Even as kids we all recognized  that my cousin Wyatt was just a malodorous, rancid mess.

One time in the 3rd grade, Mrs. Mahnrump (our teacher) actually pulled the fire alarm because she thought we had a sewage leak, when actually it was just Wyatt coming in from recess after diving for last week’s sausage logs discarded in the dumpster behind the cafeteria.

Luckily for my cousin, he eventually found the perfect bride. Savannah Gretchen Aldeen, lost her sense of smell in a soldering accident in the 4th grade, so she never knew her new husband smelled like a pregnant skunk until long after they were married.

When her half sister Melva revealed Wyatt’s pesky pungent problem to her, Savannah knew that she had to fix this foul funky fragrance.

She tried dumping every type of fine smelling concoction in my cousin’s bath. She tried cologne, perfume, body oil, body lotion, deodorant , even dog shampoo and nothing worked.

Finally, her sister had an idea. Melva was currently working at the Lady of the Evening motel on Main street as a laundry maid. Since the turnover at the establishment was by the hour, they tended to accumulate a lot of dirty linens, thus causing great strain on their industrial washing machines. The hotel had the exact same problem as her sister; it was very difficult to get the smell and soiling out of the sheets and pillow cases.

Ricky, in maintenance, came up with the idea of loading the washing machines with industrial strength vinegar laced descaler to clean and deodorize the appliances after each busy week of use.

It worked for the Lady of the Evening motel, so why not on my cousin.

The next evening, Savannah Gretchen filled Wyatt’s tub with half a load of industrial descaler and left him to soak. After a 30 minute bath, my cousin smelled as clean as a baby raccoon. His children leapt with joy. His ghastly stench was gone.

When Wyatt left the hospital 3 weeks later where he was receiving skin grafts due to the top layer of his epidermis sliding off the bone, all was well. The family found a non-industrial descaler from a company called Active that was not as lethal and the rest was Shipiloo history.

One thought on “Fun Deal 40 – 20 November

  1. Gary says:

    I see the logic behind the whole thing

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