Here’s what happened…

Dewanda Muttonchomps was a mountain of a girl. At the age of 13 she weighed in at about 235, soaking wet and had hands like catchers mitts. At summer camp one year, I saw her eat 5lbs of chicken fingers in one sitting…including the box.

Dewanda was my younger sister’s “sort of” friend. They hung out on weekends because they were on the same Sumo wrestling team. The good thing about having Dewanda as a family friend, was that I could say anything I wanted when she was around and there was not a darn thing anyone could do about it … .because Dewanda was as mean as she was hungry.

Monday, April 7th 1981, a day that will live in Gluttony, the 7th grade class of Mudspatt Middle School was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the ravenous and ginormous forces of Dewanda Muttonchomps.

She had absolutely lost control. Some say it was  totally unprovoked. Some say she had cause, but all I know is that it was a slaughter. The last time I had seen this many small people flying through the air was on midget wrestling night at the Mudspatt VFW.

I have to admit it was looking pretty bleak until one small acne covered booger eater from the math club, who happened to be friends with the lunch lady, threw a 15.8oz can of beans smack dab into Dewanda’s face. He dropped her like a tranquilized elephant.

Epilogue :

Dewanda Muttonchomps went on the Subway diet, where she gained 64 more pounds. So she eventually had liposuction and won the Miss Universe pageant and had an on again off again relationship with Johnny Depp.

My sister is now a backup to a backup singer performing with a Taylor Swift impersonator in Eugene, Wa.

The Acne faced booger eater invented the orange colored slime and earned absolutely nothing from it.

Me; I went on to found shipiloo Online Grocery and sell that exact flavor 15.8oz can of Bush’s Best Baked Beans, Black Eyed Peas but now in a convenient 6 pack.

One thought on “Fun Deal 41 – 21 November

  1. Gary says:

    Another happy ending

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